Chances and Porcelain
by Awkwardauthor
Summary: He is a man filled with flaws, but there is always someone there to give him chances. Then there is that someone that resembles a porcelain figure. Phil x Dan x OC love triangle.
1. Chances and Porcelain

**Hey guys! Over spring break, my mind has tapped into my angsty mindset. I know, I know. I should write more fluff. I can't help it! Anything that gives me the feels makes the vulnerability in me awaken. This one-shot was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Fanfics with stripped-down, raw feelings are what I like to read. From the phanfics I wrote so far, I've still yet to showcase a stripped-down, raw fanfic with no traces of humor whatsoever (YCMR had tiny bits of humor within the whole angsty plot). I did that for a few of my Twilight one-shots: Fall with Me, What Changed, and Beauty and a Heartbeat. It wouldn't hurt to translate that writing style for a phanfic.**

 **If you're looking to read a lighthearted DP fic, then look somewhere else. If you are open to reading something that'll give you the feels, then you've come to the right place. I guess all my years of reading Twilight fics has led me to this, writing a Dan x OC x Phil love triangle. I've read the threesomes, but I haven't really seen the love triangles yet. So yeah. Enjoy!**

* * *

His chest hurts. His body is numb. His soul aches. His raspy breaths echo across his bedroom, his mocha-colored irises shedding every tear his eyes could muster. His back is against the door. His legs crumble beneath him and he collapses on the floor.

 _I'm such an idiot._

He is a flawed human being. He is a man where mistakes follow wherever he goes. The people he grew up with exploited his flaws. Their taunts and relentless teasing over being a mistake to this world still haunt him. He can hear them now, voices in his head that start to become a crescendo as the voices grow louder.

"SHUT UP!" he bellows, his hands on his ears, willing the thoughts to go away. He is in that place. His existential crisis black hole. It's pulling him in, a magnet he can't run away from.

"Go away, go away, go away…" No one will come to rescue him. Not this time. He screwed things up. More so than ever. What he did may have cost him the one person in his life that matters to him the most. This time, he may have lost that person for good.

He says his name. _"Phil."_ Again. _"Phil."_ He repeats the name like a mantra, as if saying his name is the magic word that will make the situation disappear.

One minute passes. Then two. Three. Four. Five. Ten.

No one comes. No knock on the door. No offer to come inside. No sight of the raven-haired, blue-eyed man that he cares about more than life itself.

After a while, he manages to crawl away from the door and to his bed. He kicks away his shoes and lays on his stomach on his black, gray, and white checkered blanket. Even his blanket is mocking him, its colors mirroring his emotions.

 _"What makes you think I won't leave you this time?"_ Phil's words causes more tears to fall from his face, soaking his pillow. He wouldn't blame Phil for leaving. He seriously messed things up this time. His impulses made him say things he wouldn't have dared to ever tell Phil. He is to blame. Not Phil. It's not Phil's fault his heart is torn.

Phil. Her. His heart was open to love the both of them. Now, he doesn't know what to do.

Phil accepted his flaws. So did she. Phil shares many common interests as him. So did she. Phil keeps his attention and never ceases to bore him. So did she.

Phil loves him. So does she. And she did so reluctantly, because she knows how much he loves Phil.

He groans. He can't lose Phil. But he can't lose her. If he chooses one, he'll lose the other. If he chooses Phil, he will become another man that has broken her heart (he doesn't understand why men doesn't see how wonderful she is inside and out). If he chooses her, he will become the worst best friend/boyfriend in history.

Phil gave him a chance. Not one chance. Not two. Several chances. Numerous chances that he lost count.

Phil gave him a chance for them to meet.

Phil gave him a chance for them to rebuild their friendship after the infamous 2012 incident.

Phil gave him a chance for them to experience a kiss between the two of them, just as an experiment to see if there would be fireworks like the phandom talk, write, and draw about.

Phil gave him a chance for them to go on a date.

Phil gave him a chance for them to be officially Phan.

Phil gave him a chance when he drunkenly kissed another girl.

Phil gave him a chance when he broke the spare glasses Phil entrusted him to look after once for a few hours.

Phil gave him a chance when he misplaced Phil's camera.

Phil gave him a chance when he accidentally turned Phil's white clothes to pink when he was confused about how to use a washing machine.

But this, tonight, will Phil give him a chance? Will Phil give him a chance if there is a likelihood he would chase after her?

He sits up, walking like a zombie to his desk. He boots up his laptop and opens his Tumblr account.

He scans through the dashboard. His heart beats erratically whenever he finds fanart of him and Phil. After a while, he decided to go to her Tumblr blog, the one where she posts all of her fanfiction.

There is a new post. It's not a new fanfic, but rather just a rambling of her thoughts. He hasn't seen it yesterday. A part of him knows she typed the post sometime today, sometime after the falling out.

The post is short. A little over 100 words. It's titled The Definition of Right.

He reads the post. Word for word. When he is done, he is on the edge of having another crying fit.

He doesn't. His eyes are too tired to shed any more tears.

The post makes him consider picking up his phone to text her and say that he has chosen her.

 _ **I've always been fragile. I can't deny it. All that's left is a shard from a porcelain figure wrecked at the split second it was dropped. The porcelain figure has been fixed several times, and each time it's fixed, it's broken again. Right now, the figure is broken again. I'm the shard slowly being glued with other shards to recreate the figure. But there are a few shards missing. Those are the shards still waiting to be found. And yet, I'd be doing all the wrong things to find the rest of the shards to fix the figure. Do I dare make risks to right the wrong? Or am I doing wrongs to make a right?**_

He is those missing shards. He is those shards that could make her whole again.

He turns off his laptop. He leans back on his chair and stares blankly at the wall.

If he fixes her, he will break himself. He is his own porcelain figure. If he loses Phil, he would lose shards of himself. But if he loses her, he would still lose shards of himself. It's a win-lose situation. If he chooses neither of them, he would break himself entirely. A lose-lose situation.

Chances.

Porcelain.

His head is spinning. It's up to him. If he leaves his room to talk to Phil, he knows that means that he has chosen Phil. If he stays here, that means his feelings for her are strong enough for him to contemplate choosing her. Which is true. He loves her just as much as he loves Phil.

What will he do?

There is a knock on his door. Two knocks. With red-rimmed eyes and slouched shoulders, he shuffles to the door. When he opens it, he sees not one, but two people.

"Dan," they whisper.

He doesn't speak. His mind is in shock. When did she get here?

"I'm sorry," she tells him, gazing at him solemnly. "Phil told me what happened. It is my fault. I should've never been a part of your lives." No. She is the best woman that ever entered his life (Phil fits the man description). "I'm the reason why there's a rift between you two. If the fans find out, they'll flame me. Hate me. I don't want that. I don't want to hurt you two. I don't want to hurt myself again."

He stares at the younger girl, still in shock. What is she saying? Is she saying goodbye?

"Dan, I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved a boy before. When you entered my life, I thought I finally found someone that would make me believe I can be loved." She takes a step forward. His eyes briefly flicker to look at Phil, who gives him a curt nod.

"I love you too." It's the truth. Phil knows that, so why lie?

"I know you do. But you love Phil. And to be honest, you'll hurt yourself more if you lose Phil over losing me." She bites her lip. "Dan, you'll always be a part of my life. Whether you're my friend or my boyfriend, I'll always find room for you to be here." She balls her hand into a fist and lays it on her chest. "The fans adore Phan for a reason. I adore Phan for a reason. You two belong together. You don't see it now, but imagine ten years from now if Phil isn't your boyfriend. Or even your best friend. If you two lost touch, can you live with that?"

He makes the mental image. He can't handle the thought of a future without Phil. Even if Phan never became Phan, he couldn't picture a day spent without Phil around. He still wonders how he survived living without Phil before they met in 2009.

His facial expression is the answer she looks for. "You can't, because Phil is your soulmate. You can't live without him. Me? I'll be fine. If I'm gonna get hurt again, at least I'm getting hurt for the right reason."

She tiptoes and kisses his cheek. "Let me make the choice. I choose for you to be happy." She backs away. "Thank you for being here for me and letting me see that I shouldn't give up on love. If we met under different circumstances, perhaps the possibility of us could have happened. But fate is the way it is. Fate chose you for Phil."

"No," he chokes. He can't do it. He can't let her go through with this.

He loves her. He needs her. When she came into his life, she gave his monochrome life a little more color. So did Phil, although the years before 2009 were in black and white. Phil gave him light. She gave him color. With the two of them together, as a result, he saw life as something wonderful to live, not as a burden to carry.

She smiles, one that is bittersweet and full of longing. "Don't worry. I'll still be your friend. But this, us, it has to end."

He grabs her hand, jerking her forward so her body crashes into his. He can't help it. His arms encircle her waist and he is giving her a bone-crushing hug.

"What if I don't want this to end? What if I want you?"

"Don't." Her words are muffled. She tilts her head up. "Don't you see? I'm doing the right thing. I'm saving you from making another mistake." She shoves on his chest, the movement causing him to let her go. "I can't give you everything. Only Phil can. He-"

"Stop." The sound of Phil's voice stuns the two. There are tears in his blue eyes. "This doesn't have to be done tonight." It's Phil turn to take a step forward. "Dan, I'm terribly sorry I've put you in this position. But I can't bear to watch her do this to you. You aren't ready. I'm not ready. She isn't ready. None of us are ready to make a final decision."

Silence hangs in the air. Phil is right. If he loses her tonight, he'll be the porcelain figure that may or may not be put back together again. He needs time. A day. Maybe two. Or a week. Between her and Phil, tonight is not the right moment to decide his fate.

"Alright," he murmurs. "I'll… think about it."

She sighs, backing away from the two men. "I guess so." She leans against the doorframe. "I'm assuming you read my Tumblr post?"

He nods.

"It wasn't meant to be a plea for you to choose me. I just needed to let off steam."

"I know." She is capable of writing anything. When she doesn't write like that, she can write things that can make him roll on the floor laughing for hours.

"You're my friend too," Phil says, looking at her. "If he chooses you, no hard feelings."

"Don't say that. Whatever decision Dan makes, it'll be hard for the both of us."

They stand there. A new tension fills the open room. This is what it has come down to, three people with feelings that have tilted the axis of their worlds.

Tonight, everything was laid out on the line.

Whatever tomorrow holds, they'll face it head-on, a day for a man of chances, a woman of porcelain, and a man of flaws to deal with.

* * *

 **Yup. Sounds like a cliffhanger, huh? I really gotta lay off on watching Parasyte: the maxim. Like Phil said, it's an anime where every episode is a cliffhanger. I agree, although I was already in the midst of watching the anime before Phil made the suggestion (Shinichi is a mobile danger magnet). I have more rage fits for Parasyte than some of the Filipino teleseries I'm watching lately. I like open-ended endings though, as long as it's done right.**

 **I left the OC unnamed so you can read the story as it is rather than focus on the name of the female. In a way, it could be a female reader, but the things she said may not be the way she is for most females out there, especially if you don't write fanfictions. So I left her as an OC. But if you can relate to the OC, then feel free to insert yourself as the reader.**

 **Who will Dan choose? Will he stay with Phil, or go after the OC? Well, that's up to you. Dan's choice is in your hands.**

 **Until next time.**

~ AA


	2. Distance and Star Collisions

**So… I know I marked it as complete, but that's only because I wasn't sure if I was gonna continue this. I didn't want to promise anything. But I took some time to think and it would be tough to leave you hanging. So what I decided to do is turn this into a three-shot. The first chapter set up the situation that Dan, Phil, and the OC are in. From this point on, the story will deal with the aftermath of the night. The OC will remain unnamed and have an unknown physical appearance. She will, however, have a certain backstory, which this chapter will go more in-depth with.**

 **This chapter will open up more about how the love triangle came to be. Think of it as an OVA (lol Dan… you're making the otaku population rise. HAAAAARUUUUU-CHAAAAAN!), because the third chapter will be when Dan makes his choice. As of now, I'm having a VERY difficult time thinking of how to conclude the story. I, the writer, have no clue who Dan should choose.**

 **I posted a poll on my profile for CAP. I'd like to see what you guys think! Dan could make any of those four choices. Love triangles are… gaaaaah. I don't want to make it too obvious, but I also don't want it to be too predictable.**

* * *

Phil. Or her.

Phil. Or her.

Phil. Or her.

It has been three days since that night. Seventy-two hours of nonstop guilt and relentless thinking. Minute after minute of their names imprinted in Dan's mind. Everywhere he goes, everywhere he looks, the same thought floats in his head.

 _Phil. Or her._

He sits in front of his computer, editing his next Internet Support Group video. It's one of the few things he has to distract him. Cluttering his mind with a few hours of watching himself give crappy but helpful advice to his fans offers a temporary silence to his negative thoughts. He finds it ironic how easily he could give advice to other people, yet have no idea to solve his own problem. Then again, his problem surpasses belly button fetishes and, for this recent video, tentacle porn addiction.

After that night, his relationship with Phil remained stagnant. They still followed their daily routines. They wake up together and watch anime on their flat-screen TV while eating breakfast. They go about doing what they are supposed to do for the day. They steal a few kisses and buy lunch for each other. They eat dinner together and cuddle on the sofa while watching a movie. Things are still the same, and if a fan walked in on them, she (or he) would assume nothing has changed.

Wrong.

They don't sleep together. For three nights, Phil chose to sleep in his own room. He claims he is trying to give Dan space, though his overthinking-self believes Phil is the one that needs space, not him. They eat meals together and there are awkward silences when there shouldn't be, because Dan and Phil always have something to talk about. They look at each other and instead of the undying love they show each other through eye-contact, it's replaced with hesitation. They kiss and it lacks the imaginary sparks that fly when they do, because every kiss they share makes him feel as if his body is on fire.

His hand trembles on the mouse. He remembers their first kiss. It was Phil's idea, and when it happened, he didn't think it would change things between them.

He saves his progress on his video and exits the video editor. He opens one of the folders on the computer's desktop and clicks on the first file.

This was it. The fanart that spurred the experimental kiss. It's a drawing of him and Phil kissing at where seems to be at the BBC radio station. Like every other phan art depicting them as a romantic couple, he found it amusing. Phil, however, didn't exactly react the same way.

 _ **"I don't know, Dan. It could happen."**_

Could. The way Phil reacted was as if considered the thought of them kissing to be something that could happen in real life.

 _ **"Are you actually suggesting we should kiss?"**_

 _ **"Perhaps. Just for fun."**_

Just for fun. And they did. Only it didn't become "just a kiss." It became more than that. It became the kiss that turned the lightbulb on for Phan.

He leans back on his chair, closing the file. How can he do this to Phil? How can he think about the possibility of letting Phil go?

 _She's different. You've known that from the very beginning._

Before her, Phil was the center of his world. Phil was his other half, the one that filled the void of his loneliness. Phil gave him a reason to live.

Then there is her. She is the billions of stars to his moon.

 ** _"I'm a lot like you. You're the moon. I'm a star."_**

 _ **"You're a moon too. You're a guiding light."**_

When he met her, she was just as lost as he was when he was 18. She was the American that came to England to study abroad, choosing a university in London to fulfill the first part of her dream to travel the world. They met at a Starbucks during her first year in college. She was the girl with glasses he noticed sitting in a corner, typing on a laptop with red headphones in her ears. The moment he laid eyes on her, he was hit with an instinct that there was something different about her. She stood out to him because unlike everyone else in the café, she was alone and seemed withdrawn. She seemed closed off, as if she purposefully ignored the world around her.

He was drawn to her, a moth to a flame. He had ordered his drink and walked over to her table. Without waiting for her to notice him, he occupied the empty seat across from her. It took her a couple of minutes until she paused and looked up.

 _ **"Hello."**_

 _ **"Hi… Dan right?"**_

 _ **"Guess I don't need to introduce myself."**_

 _ **"No, I want you to do that."**_

 _ **"Introduce myself? Why?"**_

 _ **"It's a coffee shop. Don't let the 80's die on us."**_

Their initial exchange confirmed his instinct. Since she made it obvious she was a fan, he expected her to act like a typical fangirl (she is a fangirl, but she doesn't like having the label making her sound like a lunatic). But she didn't. She spoke to him as if she was meeting him as a stranger, as if it was a normal encounter at a coffee shop. In a few sentences, she treated him like a person, a Dan Howell instead of danisnotonfire.

Their paths crossed when he and Phil were still new into their relationship. They were yet to announce to their fans that Phan was official. Needless to say, his first encounter with her turned into two hours of the two of them getting to know each other and ending with sharing their cell phone numbers to each other. What began as a random meeting grew into a secret friendship. Texts and Starbucks meet-ups. Video-chats and him visiting her at the flat she shared with her friend (she had a friend in London that needed a roommate). Five months later, she finally asked him if she could meet Phil.

 _ **"I feel like you're having an affair with me."**_

 _ **"We're not even dating."**_

 _ **"Exactly. So you shouldn't feel guilty about introducing me to Phil."**_

 _ **"I don't want him to get the wrong idea of us."**_

 _ **"We're friends. He won't get jealous."**_

 _ **"You never know. Phil can be unpredictable."**_

If he had it his way, he would have wanted her and Phil to never have met, that he could keep her safe from the Phil and the fans. Phil may be his beloved angel bean, but Phil is a human. He has emotions. He notices when Phil feels uncomfortable of him being close with someone, male or female (he still finds the female body highly attractive).

Phil gets jealous, and when he gets jealous, it isn't a nice sight.

 _ **"Your friend seems nice."**_

 _ **"She is, Phil."**_

 _ **"She reminds me of you."**_

 _ **"I know, right? Can you believe her favorite color is black too?"**_

 _ **"Let me guess, her least favorite color is pink?"**_

 _ **"Yeah! She's really cool. I'm glad you like her."**_

 _ **"Yeah, I guess."**_

 _ **"I guess? Is that all you can say about her?"**_

 _ **"She's great, Dan."**_

 _ **"Phil, she's a friend. It's not like I'm gonna fall in love with her or anything."**_

 _ **"Why? Do you plan on doing that?"**_

 _ **"No! Why would you think that?"**_

 _ **"You're the one that said it!"**_

 _ **"I was saying it ironically!"**_

 _ **"There you go again. Ironically. Do you think our relationship is ironic too?"**_

 _ **"Phil! Where is this coming from?"**_

 _ **"Just answer the question!"**_

 _ **"No. I love you, Phil. God fucking damn it, I love you. So don't accuse me of thinking otherwise."**_

That was the first time they ever argued as a couple. It was normal for couples to fight. What couple didn't? But for their first fight to be about her was ridiculous. She was just a friend. Why did his friendship with her bother Phil? He has other female friends. Louise. Zoe. Cat. He is closer with them than her and Phil was never bothered with them.

They were able to move past the argument. They apologized to each other and had make-up sex in Phil's room. The next morning, Phil didn't even mind when he announced he was hanging out with her for the day.

He checks the time on the computer screen. 12:45 PM. Time for lunch.

He heads out his room and enters the lounge. Phil is filming a video with PJ, so it's just him in the flat for the rest of the day. He contemplates calling her to ask if she could come over.

 _And then what? Fall in love with her even more?_

His hand pauses midway from his jeans' pocket.

He hasn't spoken to her since that night. He doesn't blame her for avoiding him. He knows it's her way of trying to make things better.

 ** _"I choose for you to be happy."_**

How can be happy when he is away from her?

He goes to the kitchen. He gathers ingredients to make a sandwich.

 ** _"I'm saving you from making another mistake."_**

Breaking her heart will be a mistake. He'll become another one of her mistakes if he does.

There's a piece of paper taped on the refrigerator door. It's a note from Phil. The words are song lyrics.

 _Now I've got nothing left to lose_

 _You take your time to choose_

 _I can tell you now without a trace of fear_

Muse. His and Phil's favorite band. Neutron Star Collision. The song from her favorite book series. Ironically, Twilight involved something that her, Phil, and him are in right now: a love triangle. More ironically, Neutron Star Collision was featured as a leading song in Eclipse, the book where the love triangle is most apparent.

This is how Bella must have felt. The Twilight haters found the love triangle ridiculous. He did too. Not anymore. He is in Bella's shoes. No matter who he chooses, he will have to say goodbye to the other.

"Fuck," he mutters. "Why do damn love triangles even exist?"

He turns away from the fridge door, going to work with making his sandwich.

Why did he learn to love her? Why did she have to be a girl that has edges he wants to smooth out? Why did she come into his life as someone that tests his feelings for Phil?

 ** _"You're not just danisnotonfire. You're Dan Howell. My friend. My confidant. My object of affection."_**

He finishes making the sandwich and carries the plate with him back to the lounge.

 ** _"We'll be fine, Dan. Nothing can ever come between us."_**

 _ **"We make mistakes all the time, Phil, and look where we are. We're still alive, aren't we?"**_

He sits down on the sofa and takes out his phone. He taps on the Tumblr icon.

 ** _One little check wouldn't hurt._**

He checks her fanfiction Tumblr blog. One new post.

 **The Best (and Worst) Part of Falling: Dan x reader**

He reads through the story. Just like The Definition of Right, it tempts him to make his choice right here, right now.

It's their story through her eyes told in a fanfiction. It's a story of how Dan and the reader met, becomes friends, and fall in love. However, Dan is in a relationship with Phil. The story ends with the reader and Dan realizing they both love each other, but recognize that they can't be together because of Phil. In her author's note, she explains how she was inspired by a song called Distance by Christina Perri to write the story. The story would be left as it is, but she promises her next fanfic won't be too sad.

As soon as he finishes reading the story, he switches to the YouTube app and searches for the song she mentioned in the story. Listening to the song, he understands how the song fits the story.

 _I wish we would just give up_

 _Cause the best part is falling_

 _Call it anything but love_

Neutron Star Collision is Phil's song. Distance is her song.

 ** _"I don't want to love you, Dan."_**

 ** _"I don't want to love you either."_**

 ** _"Then let's stop loving each other."_**

 ** _"You know that's not going to work."_**

She ended the story with the night they realized they had feelings for each other. Phil was in Florida on vacation with his family. They were sitting on the rooftop of her flat having a Pokemon battle on their 3DS's. When the battle ended and she came out as victor, he thought of how easy it was to be around her. He thought about what would it be like to spend one night with her. One thing led to another, and his thoughts led him to kiss her under the night sky. By the end of that night, like her fanfic explained, they were left with the fact that what they wanted was something they couldn't have.

He throws his phone to the side. His appetite is gone.

Star Collisions.

Distance.

How the bloody hell will he make a decision?

* * *

 **So that's a little more about how the love triangle came to be. The third chapter will be up sometime next week. I wanna give you guys some time to take it all in.**

 **Go listen to the two songs I mentioned in this chapter! Neutron Star Collision was my favorite songs in the Eclipse soundtrack, because once upon a time, a 12-year-old me was getting into the world of fandoms when I got obsessed with Twilight. To this day, I still love Twilight. *sighs* It's hard being a nerd that loves Twilight and anime (most otakus are anti-Twilight). And let's just say I'm getting back into the groove of listening to Muse songs (I see why it's Dan and Phil's favorite band. Starlight is my fav atm). Distance is from one of my all time favorite artists. I had a Christina Perri phase in 9th grade when I had most of her songs from her first album downloaded into my iPod. When I paid attention to the lyrics, I knew this has to be the song to describe the OC.**

 **I have a few ideas on how to end this. There's one I'm leaning toward, but I'm not sure if that's the one I'm going with yet. Love triangles are difficult to work with. I'm trying not to make it sound cliché.**

 **So god help us all.**

 **PS for those of you going to a show for TATINOF, have fun! Here's to hoping Dan and Phil won't trip on a cactus. Unless it's part of the show, in which case I claim I'm not a psychic. xD**

 **Until next time.**

 **~ AA**


	3. The Moon, The Sun, and the Star 1st Half

**This is it. The moment of truth. Who will Dan choose? Even my heart's racing, you guys. I gave myself the feels working on this chapter. I spoke with my best friend Lighterthanwhite on this and she encouraged me to end the story along this route. This chapter will be in alternating POV's between Dan, Phil, and the OC.**

 **The resolution part is long. I could leave it as it is, but I don't want to tire your brain out. Instead, part 3 will be broken up into two halves. This is the first half of part 3. The second half of part 3 will be up later this week.**

 **Get your hankies ready. Find a shoulder to cry on. Have an existential crisis. This is gonna be a doozy.**

 **It was tough not giving a name for the OC, so as a heads-up, there'll be a lot of pet names floating around.**

* * *

 _How much longer will he prolong this?_ Two weeks have passed. She hasn't seen neither Dan nor Phil since that night. Every text or email that Dan sent her was ignored. Avoiding him is torturous, but if she is going to help him make a decision, then this is the right thing to do. She meant what she said about sacrificing her feelings so he didn't have to leave Phil. She doesn't want to be the reason for Phan to be declared a former shipping. She was a huge shipper for Phan before she came to London, before hers and Dan's paths crossed.

She wrote the fanfics. She admired the fanart. She fangirled when she saw their video of them revealing to their fans that they are in a relationship. She would be at a loss if Dan leaves Phil for her. She would break the hearts of millions of phan shippers. She would lose one of her major inspirations as a writer.

Before Dan and Phil, her inspirations for writing fanfics stemmed from all the boys that broke her heart. There were five of them. Every time she fell for a boy, she believed he was the one.

Now there is Dan. Could he be one to be added on to that list?

She sits at her computer desk, finishing up typing an essay on her Macbook for one of her college classes. She is working on her essay's conclusion when her phone vibrates. She peers down on her phone screen and sees it's a text from her roommate, who is on a date with her boyfriend at the moment.

 _ **GO CHECK TWITTER. STAT.**_

Confused, she sends a text back to her roommate. When her friend texts her in shouty letters, it's an indication that there is big news she wants to share.

 _ **Why? You know I'm doing HW**_

Less than half a minute later, she gets a response. _**JUST DO IT. Babe & I are like wow RN**_

She puts her phone down and signs into her Twitter account on her laptop. Ever since she collaborated with Dan for a video a few weeks ago, her Twitter exploded with Dan and Phil followers. She followed back most of her followers, so it comes as a surprise to her when she sees that many of her followers retweeted a single photo posted by an Scarmayexo, with a caption: **Is Phil cheating on Dan?** The photo was posted ten minutes ago. Already it has over 2,000 retweets.

She would have rolled her eyes with the girl's caption if it wasn't for the photo's context. She reaches for her glasses. She puts on her glasses. Her hand rushes to cover her mouth.

 _No. Way._

The photo is of Phil and a tall blonde-haired girl hugging. The side of the girl's face could be seen. There is a smile on both of their faces. She wouldn't be too worried if she is aware of who the girl is, Youtuber or not. But she has never seen this girl in her life.

Her phone vibrates again. The sound elicits a soft squeak from her. She picks up her phone and sees her roommate's name on the caller ID.

"Did you see it? Oh my gosh. Please don't tell me it's true" are the first few sentences that spews out of her friend when she accepts the call.

"Whoa girl. Slow down."

"SLOW DOWN? Sweetcheeks, that's Phil with a girl! Please tell me you know who she is."

"I don't," she admits. She wishes she did. If she recognized the girl, she would have been able to reassure the fans and calm them down.

"This is bad. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but Phil looked awfully close with that girl."

"It's Phil. I don't think he'd cheat on Dan like that."

"You never know! You said things were bad between Dan and him lately. Did they fight again?"

"I don't know." The disadvantage of avoiding Dan is being unaware of what exactly is going on between the couple. If the two fought, then the situation is borderline getting out of hand.

"Listen. I know you swore not to talk to Dan, but I think now's a good time to break the silence."

"But-"

"Here me out, girl. You can't avoid Dan forever. If you won't go to him, he'll come to you. Either way, you'll have to face him. I get that you promised not to talk to him until he made a decision, but I think you're making it harder for him by staying away. He's got Phil with him. He needs you around too."

She sighs. This is her own internal battle she is facing. Talk to Dan or not. She is dying to reach out to him, to comfort and reassure him that she'll be here for him no matter what. "And if I do talk to him?"

"Then treat him the way you always do. Try not to let the situation affect your friendship."

"You sure this is okay?"

"Of course!"

"I… fine. I'll talk to him. Tomorrow."

"Why not now?"

"Homework, girl. And if Dan sees that photo, I should give him space to talk with Phil."

"Oh! Right!" She hears murmurs on the other end. "Gotta go! Babe and I are at the restaurant!"

"Alright. Have fun!"

"I'll see you later."

She hangs up and puts her phone in sleep mode. Whoever that girl in the photo was, she has a feeling it will be something for Dan and Phil to discuss tonight.

~:~

It's 7:32 PM when her phone vibrates with a text. Done with homework, she is sitting on her bed working on her next phanfic. The text is from Dan.

 _ **Can I come over pls?**_

He fought with Phil. She can tell. He always comes to her whenever the two argue. She would let him stay over at her flat, the two of them eating ice cream and playing video games on her and her friend's PlayStation. It looks like her plan to talk to him tomorrow will happen tonight.

For the first time in several days, she sends a text to Dan. _**Sure. Rocky road IC ok?**_

He doesn't text back. She assumes he is on his way.

She saves her work on her laptop and turns it off. She plugs the charger in for her laptop and heads to the kitchen. She grabs two small bowls and two spoons from the dishrack. She is about to open the fridge to take out the ice cream when she hears a knock at the door.

 _Calm down. It's Dan. Just Dan. You've done this before. Yes, the feelings are out there, but he's your friend. You swore you'd stop avoiding him._

She walks over to the front door and opens it. She is greeted with a depressing sight. Dan is there, his brown eyes glassy with a light red in his pupils.

His lip trembles. "Hi."

"Hey." She motions for him to come in. He does so.

She makes her way back to the kitchen. "I have rocky road, but there's some leftover chocolate and vanilla if you want that."

He doesn't answer.

She pauses mid-way to the table where she set out the bowls and spoons. She turns around. Her head collides with his chest.

"Oh!" she exclaims, jolted by the sudden physical contact. "Sorry! Didn't see you there." She steps back, putting a small amount of distance between them. "Dan?"

He still doesn't speak.

She starts to worry. "I'd ask if you're okay, but you're clearly not. What happened?"

No answer.

"Dan! You're scaring me! You fought with Phil, didn't you? That's why you're here, right?"

"U-uh…" He steps closer to her and splays his hands on her shoulder. "Fuck it."

His lips press down to hers and all the breath is knocked away from her lungs.

Electricity flows between their mouths. This is exactly how she felt the first time they kissed. The night sky, the warmth, how it felt so right yet so wrong. They haven't shared a kiss since that night, which is a good thing, considering she didn't want to begin an affair with him. She couldn't do that to Phil.

Reluctantly, she puts her hands on his chest and pushes him back, disconnecting their lips.

"Dan…" she breathes. "What are you doing?"

"Love." A tear falls down his cheek. "Why are you doing this to me? Why did you ignore me?"

"I-I…" She looks up at him. "I'm not ignoring you. I was giving you space. That's what you needed, right?"

"You were gonna leave me."

"What else could I do?" Her mind was dead set that night when she returned to their flat that night after Phil found out about the kiss.

 _ **"Are you serious? Dan! Why? WHY?"**_

 _ **"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it Phil. I really didn't."**_

 ** _"Guys, it's my fault. Dan wouldn't have kissed me if he didn't feel the same way."_**

"I didn't want you to leave, and you almost did."

"I was doing what's right."

His hands move from her shoulders to her face. "Love, if we had one night to be together, will you let it happen?"

"Dan-"

His voice takes a pleading tone. "Would you?"

"I…" Her stomach does somersaults. Of course she would. As shameful as it would be, she dreamed of having a few hours with Dan in that way. If Phil wasn't in the picture, she would have asked her roommate for love advice. The love advice happened, but not in the context she wanted it to be.

Phil. It always boils down to Phil.

"I know you're thinking about Phil," he says. "But I want this. Tonight. Please. Just for one night. Then if you still want to say goodbye to me tomorrow, you can."

She brings her hands up to touch his arms. "Are you saying that if I continued off what I did two weeks ago, you'll let me go this time?"

He hesitates, but nods. "We'll just be friends. Or if you don't want to ever see my face again, then that can happen. I'll make things right with Phil. All I want is one night."

One night.

One night free of inhibitions.

One night where she can pretend Dan is hers.

One night away from their messy situation.

 _How can you say no to that?_

"And Phil?" she asks.

"Phil is gone for tonight. I don't know where, but he'll probably be back by tomorrow."

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"Later."

"Did you see that photo on Twitter?"

"Yes. She's an old friend of Phil's. We'll talk more later." He steps back, his hands moving away from her face.

He extends his arm, a hand reaching out to her. An offer.

 _Will you take it? Will you break the porcelain figure again?_

She takes his hand.

Just one night.

The moon and the star.

They are the same.

Two portions of the galaxy that form the night.

~:~

 _I'm sorry, Dan._

Phil looks around his now sparse bedroom. His breath hitches. He is going through with this. His mind was made up as soon as he walked out the door when they fought.

 _ **"I think we should take a break."**_

 _ **"PHIL! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!"**_

 _ **"Bear, I said a break! Not a break-up!"**_

 _ **"There's still break in the name!"**_

 _ **"Dan, it's just a break. I'm not leaving the flat. But us being together while she's leaving you alone isn't fair. She's suffering more than me."**_

 ** _"No! Absolutely not! Nope, nuh-uh. I refuse to take a break."_**

 _ **"I'm sorry. But whether or not you like it, I'm letting the break happen."**_

 _ **"Phil-"**_

 _ **"I'm heading out. I'll come back later."**_

 ** _"So that's how it's gonna be. You're gonna find another hot chick or hot dude at a bar to replace me."_**

 _ **"It's not like that."**_

 _ **"Sure it isn't."**_

 _ **"This is why we need to take a break."**_

 ** _"And this is why this break is stupid."_**

 _ **"It's not stupid. You'll see."**_

He checks the time on his phone. 6:30 AM. Dan isn't home yet. He is most likely staying over at her flat again. He always goes there whenever they fight. She is the one that sets Dan right before he comes back, apologizes, and he forgives him.

So many chances. So many times to forgive. This time, he has reached his limit.

He picks up his duffel bag and drags the suitcase to the lounge. He takes a piece of folded paper out from his coat pocket and leaves it on the sofa.

 _I'll miss you, sofa crease._

He has to make the break work. He doesn't know how long he'll be gone, but he does know that he has to put some distance between him and Dan.

He'll go to Louise's first. She already said yes to letting him stay for as long as he needs. All he needs is a couple of days (he doesn't want to take advantage of his stay). Then he'll go rent a hotel room and stay there for a few more days and live at his parents' place afterward, just until his mind clears up and he is ready to face Dan again.

 _This is right. If Dan chooses to be with her while I'm gone, then that's that._

In ten minutes, he is staring at their apartment building, guilt in his chest.

 _This is the last chance I'm giving you, Dan. I hope you make the right choice._

~:~

The buzzing of a phone wakes her up.

She groans. Opening her eyes, she blinks a few times so her eyes adjusts to the lighting. She shifts her head to the side. Dan is still asleep.

A small smile graces her face. Her cheeks flush as memories of last night flood her head. He was sweet in bed, yet was sort of a caveman. He was the dominant one. Afraid to be rough with her at first, once she assured him that she could take more, he gave her more. Who knew sex could be that enjoyable?

Her arm reaches out and grabs one of two cell phones on her dresser. It's her phone. No texts. No missed calls. Must be from Dan's.

She grabs Dan's phone. There is a text from Phil.

She glances at Dan. His eyes are still closed.

He won't mind if she checks, right? He does the same with her phone whenever he sleeps at her place overnight. They are that close that they can read the other's text messages or answer calls for the other person. The only people she ever does that with is her roommate and her best friend back in her hometown.

She inputs his password and taps on the message.

 _ **Heads up: I'm not at the flat**_

Must means Phil is doing something for the day.

"Who's that?" She sits up and sees Dan is awake.

"Phil."

"What'd he say?"

"Here." She gives him his phone. "He's not at your place."

He reads the text. "Oh."

"Does he have plans for today?"

"Not that I know of."

Strange. Dan and Phil tell each other everything. After last night, she was sure they would get a chance to make up for the argument from yesterday. Even if they are on a "break," Phan isn't dead.

She leans closer to him to see what he texts back to Phil. _**Where will u be?**_

The response comes a few seconds later. _**Somewhere**_

"Somewhere?" she says aloud. "Shouldn't he say where that somewhere is?"

"That's what I'm thinking." He frowns, but sends another text. _**When will u be back from "somewhere?"**_

They wait a minute for a reply. _**I don't know**_

She and Dan turn their heads to look at each other at the same time.

"What does he mean by 'I don't know?'" she says.

His expression turns into panic. "No idea."

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"Me too." He pulls her duvet away from his body and starts gathering his clothes. Despite their curiosity of what Phil is up to, she can't help but marvel at Dan's naked body. She is a girl. Her lady parts are tingling.

"Are you going back to the flat?"

He nods. "Want to come?"

"Definitely." She wants to see where this little mystery is going.

She jumps out of bed and goes to her closet. She doesn't mind that Dan is seeing her naked. What matters right now is finding out what happened with Phil. Dealing with their situation can be delayed for a while.

She grabs one of her Keep Calm t-shirts, a pair of skinny jeans, and a matching black panty and bra set. She turns and sees Dan is fully dressed.

She blushes, but proceeds to get dressed herself.

"Ready to go?" he asks when she has all her clothes on.

"Yup." She grabs her phone and follows him out her bedroom door. "I gotta see what Phil's up to."

~:~

 _"I'm letting the break happen."_

Break. The word is a wretched curse. It's one-half of the word "breakup." Why Phil is doing this now, Dan doesn't know. He thought Phil understood the situation. He told Phil their problem shouldn't affect their relationship too drastically. He still wants to be kissed and hugged and to hold hands with his boyfriend. Even with the constant guilt in his head, he can't bear not to be touched by Phil. If he couldn't see or touch her, then the least he can have is the presence of his lover.

When they arrive at the flat, his gut instinct returns. Something isn't right. Phil should have told Dan where he is going. They always do. With Phil's weakness in direction, Dan doesn't want Phil to be defenseless should something harmful happen when he isn't around.

He walks through the lounge and heads into Phil's room. What he sees causes his knees to buckle.

Phil's clothes are gone. He opens one of the drawers. Empty. His plushies are gone. There are very few items on Phil's drawers. The closet looks like an abandoned island.

"Dan!"

His breathing increases.

 _No. This can't be true. He said he wouldn't leave._

"Dan!" he hears her call out again.

He manages to stand and stumble back to the lounge. He sees her holding a piece of paper up in the air.

"I found this on the couch," she says. "It's from Phil."

"Phil?" he chokes out. He rushes to her side.

She reads the letter aloud.

 _Dan,_

 _By the time you find this, I'll already be gone. Don't come looking for me. I know I said I wouldn't leave, but this has to be done. You wouldn't listen to me when I said we need to take a break. This is the only way the break can happen. You're going to hate me. I know. I hate myself too._

 _I can't take it anymore. You mess things up, and every time you do, I give you a chance to make it up. This time I don't know if you can fix this mess. You can't fix love without someone receiving the bad end. She had that five times. It'll be hard to see you making that number go from five to six. I'm not mad at you for loving her. Deep down I saw it coming. She's so much like you. I'm just mad that you couldn't see that until it was too late. If you acknowledged that she's a perfect match for you, maybe you could have stopped yourself from falling for her. You could have stopped yourself from kissing her. You could have came to talk to me when those feelings came. You didn't do that. Instead you kept your feelings bottled up._

 _You need to make a decision, and that's why I've left. Spend time with her without me in your minds. See what happens. If you can handle being with her without me around, it means your love for her means something. Should you choose her, then you know you can live without me. If not, our love can make it pass this. Phan will succeed pass this obstacle._

 _I love you. I love you to the moon and back. I love you with my whole heart and I hope you understand. I'm sorry._

 _Your loving angel bean,_

 _Phil_

His mind goes blank. He is in disbelief.

"Phil…" he vaguely hears her mumble. "You did not pull a movie moment on us right now."

Phil is gone.

Phil left.

He is alone.

His world no longer has a sun.

"He's gone." It's the stone, cold-hard truth. Phil left while he was having one of the best nights in his entire life. While he was in the throws of passion, his boyfriend made a decision without his knowing, a decision neither he or she expected.

"He'll come back," she says. "Phil didn't say it, but I think he implied it."

"How do you know?" he responds helplessly. "For all we know, he's gone for good."

"No. Don't think that way. Phil wouldn't leave you hanging. He's not that type of guy. He didn't say he was breaking up with you. It's a break. He-"

"STOP SAYING BREAK!" The tone of his voice makes her flinch. His voice softens. "This is why I told him I didn't want to take a break from us. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen."

"Dan, he's doing this for you. Don't you see? He's trying to help you. You couldn't bear it when I avoided you, but at least you had Phil. You had him to help you through my absence. Now it's the other way around. I'm the one that's gonna help you during Phil's absence."

"What about what you said last night? You said I can let you go if you agreed to be with spend one night with me."

"That was before we had any idea what Phil would do."

"So we're still friends?"

She nods. "We would have been even if you stayed with Phil."

He sits down on the sofa, lifting his knees up and resting his chin on his kneecaps. His arms wrap around his legs. "How can I live without Phil? I can't do it. It was hard enough being away from you, and you're a friend. How can I be away from my boyfriend? How can I live in the flat when I know Phil won't be in the next room over?"

She sits down next to him. He feels her hand touch his shoulder. "Shhh… you won't do this alone. I'll come over to your place as often as you want. I'll buy ice cream and bring over video games. I can come watch you do your show at Radio 1. I can collab with you for the gaming channel. I can even make pancakes for you."

"You will?" he says in a small voice.

"Yeah." As tears start to spill from his eyes, he feels her arms pull him into a hug.

His chest heaves with sobs. He breaks down. Why does his life have to be a cycle of misery? Why does life have to fuck up the things he loves? Why does bad luck follow him wherever he goes? Why are his emotions something that fate likes to play around with?

"Don't dwell on the negative." She rubs his shoulders. "Do that and the small chance of Phil leaving you for good could come true. The more you think negatively, the more likely it'll happen. Phil will be back. When he does, you'll have your answer."

Will he? Will Dan be able to choose between the two of them by the time Phil returns? What if he doesn't? What if he can never make a choice? Last night was a glimpse of what could have been a life with her. It was great. Several hours ago, the deepest parts of his brains imagined what it would be like to have her as a girlfriend.

But Phil… if Dan misses Phil a lot whenever he vacations in Florida with his family or they go home for the holidays, what will it be like for him to be apart from Phil for an unknown amount of time? The thoughts makes him cry harder.

His sun has disappeared.

His dark heart has no light to seek.

* * *

 **Phil has left. Dan is a mess, and all he has is the OC to lean on. Once again, so god help us all. I'm crafting for the three of them.**

 **Btw there's a story called A Changed World written by AkaneDarc here on FF. If you like dystopian-style fics and love the idea of Dan and Phil in a futuristic world, I recommend checking it out! At this point, I'm thinking "COME BACK TO US DAN-KUN!"**

 **Until next time, hoping the internet support group will be fine by the second half.**

 **~ AA**


	4. The Moon, The Sun, and the Star 2nd Half

**Here's the second half of the 3rd chapter! If you haven't read the first half yet, go read that first. If you didn't read the first half, you're probably gonna be shouting "WHAT? HUH? HOW'D THIS HAPPEN?" within the first few paragraphs of this post. So go read that portion or else I take no responsibility for your reaction.**

 **Just like in chapter 2, Phil and the OC will have songs representing them incorporated in this portion. I dedicate this part for all the Five Seconds of Summer, Alex and Sierra, and The Cab fans out there! I hope you enjoy the conclusion and see me in the end for a lengthy final author's note.**

 **PS I don't really know how the format of BBC radio goes (the time difference between Hawaii and England sucks so I can't watch the show live). I'm basing off whatever happens from what I read in TABINOF.**

* * *

Being without Phil is like living without air.

The days following Phil's departure is spent living in his existential crisis black hole. Despite the silence broken between him and her, his heart is still shred into pieces. He couldn't find any motivation to film a video for his channel. He delayed posting the new Sims 4 video for the gaming channel. What would be the point? Any video he posts will remind him that he is clicking on the "Post now" button without Phil next to him. He would be doing it sans Phan kisses.

Even Twitter and Tumblr is no help to him. On Twitter, he sees the fans questioning why he hadn't tweeted for days. On Tumblr, the chances of stumbling upon phan art are likely. At this rate, social media would find out that there is trouble in phan paradise. Dan can't let that happen. He doesn't want his anti-fans to use the troubles in his love life against him.

He is on his browsing position on the sofa. His fingers are on the keyboard of his MacBook. His mind struggles to figure out what to tweet. He has to reassure his fans that he is alright.

 _ **Hey guys I'm not dead or lost in space or anything just had to deal with rl life issues. No need to worry**_

He sends the tweet. In a few minutes, the tweet garners over 2,000 likes, over 1,000 retweets, and a bunch of tweets to him.

 _ **r u ok?**_

 _ **U sick man?**_

 _ **Does that mean Sims will be back?**_

These tweets are the ones he chooses to answer back.

 _ **Yh I'm fine now thanks for asking**_

 _ **No though the sniffles would be better**_

 _ **SOON.**_

He scrolls farther down the tweets. He finds hers and it makes him do a half-smile.

 _ **Don't you mean lost in neverland? Btw I caught that Pokemon reference ;)**_

Lost in Neverland. He loves that she is a fan of All Time Low, thanks to her best friend. And Dawn's infamous "no need to worry" quote. He has heard her say it too many times that it becomes a habit to say it himself.

He answers back to her tweet. _**Neverland kicked me out and Dawn got to me**_

Seconds after he responds to her tweet, his phone vibrates. She is calling him.

"Glad to see you're back from the dead," she says when he picks up.

"You know I'd be a terrible zombie."

"Zombies are already terrible, so at least you can be terrible along with everyone else that got infected."

He lets out a soft chuckle. The only times he can smile or laugh is because of her. "What would you do if I did become a zombie?"

"Kill you. Instant death. No way I'd let you munch on anyone else's brains."

"Even yours?"

"Duh. So you want me to come over?"

"Sure."

"I'm on my way."

She hangs up. Looking back to his laptop screen, he sees that her tweet has gotten over 500 likes.

The star to his moon. At least the moon has some sort of light to seek.

~:~

Phil lays in the bed of his parents' home, staring up at the ceiling. The room is dark and the only light is coming from the moonlight outside. The only sounds are his steady breathing and Five Seconds of Summer's Beside You playing on his phone. For the last several days, he avoided listening to Muse songs, for every Muse song reminds him of his beloved. It's the same with My Chemical Romance and Panic at the Disco. He can tolerate All Time Low.

Five Seconds of Summer has become his go-to band to listen to songs to at the moment. He sees why many of his female fans love 5SOS. The four Australians have some songs he can relate to. Especially Beside You. It's the song that reminds him how much he misses Dan.

 _I wish I can lay beside you._

So close, yet so far away. They exist under the same sky: Dan for the night, Phil for the day.

He wants to go back home. Home is where Dan is. It's not the same sleeping on a bed without Dan lying inches away.

He can go back any time. He is the one that calls the shots. But not yet. It's too soon. Phil wants to make sure that by the time he returns, Dan knows who his heart belongs to.

He closes his eyes, drifting into unconsciousness, another lonely night to sleep though.

~:~

Five weeks pass. Dan hasn't discovered any signs to tell him when Phil is coming home. He hoped some fan would have spotted Phil and leaked it onto Twitter. But nothing. No one has seen him around. Maybe the ones that have are those that aren't Dan and Phil fans. Or maybe Phil is that good at hiding. The latter is unlikely. Phil is a terrible secret keeper and comes up with the worst disguises.

Hosting his radio show by himself is mind-boggling. BBC Radio is under the impression that, according to Phil, is in America taking care of a family friend with cancer. Phil's leave, however, doesn't make Dan want to disappoint the fans. Every week, he has to come up with material to do for the show from one person instead of two. He has tried to convince her to co-host with him temporarily until Phil comes back, but she declined. She hasn't completely gotten over her shyness for public speaking.

She does come to watch him do the show. She sits with the crew, giving him words of encouragement during song breaks. She helps him come up with ideas on what to do on the radio. She helps him pick songs to add for his radio playlists. In fact, next week, he is allowing her to take complete control for the week's radio playlist. He trust her. Their music tastes are almost exactly the same. So far, all she hinted for a song that is on the playlist is one of her favorite All Time Low songs.

It has started to become a new routine. At this rate, she could change her mind and try to co-host with him on the show for one day. She is a reason why he can keep the show going. Another is that Phil would probably kick his arse if he didn't.

On the air, he looks at the next song that is on the playlist. It's one he doesn't recognize. It's one of her choices.

Little Do You Know: Alex and Sierra.

He plays the song. Glancing at her, he motions for her to come over.

She nods. She stands from her chair and makes her way over to him. "What's up?"

"Who's Alex and Sierra?"

"They were the winner from the American version of X Factor back in… 2013? They're a couple in real life."

"Oh." His ears pick up on the song's tune. It's slow. Sad.

 _Little do you know how I'm breaking when you fall asleep_

 _Little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories_

 _Little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece_

 _Little do you know I need a little more time_

It's a woman singing. Sierra. The lyrics sound like him.

 _Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside_

 _I've been holding back for the fear you might change your mind_

 _I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight_

 _Little do you know I need a little more time_

Definitely him. The lyrics reflect his feelings for her.

 _I'll wait, I'll wait_

 _I'll love you like I've never felt the pain_

 _I'll wait, I promise you don't have to be afraid_

 _I'll wait, the love is here and here to stay_

 _So lay your head on me_

Now it's a man. Alex. Those lyrics sound like an answer.

 _Little do you know I know you're hurting while I'm sound asleep_

 _Little do you know all my mistakes slowly drowning me_

 _Little do you know I'm trying to make it better piece by piece_

 _Little do you know I, I love you till the sun dies_

Her. Alex's lyrics are how she feels toward him. She knows he is hurting. She knows his mistakes. She is trying her hardest to pick up the pieces Phil left him in. And he knows she loves him, too much he is sometimes confused over how she could still wait this long.

He looks down at her. He knows. Almost a month has passed. No matter how long it takes, she is along for the ride. No matter how long the ride takes, she is on it until it reaches the end.

"How did you find the song?" he asks.

"I stumbled upon it on YouTube," she replies. "I liked how it sounded. Then… well… things happen and now the song has more meaning."

"It sure does."

The song draws to a close. "I gotta get back."

"Yeah." She sighs. "You think people will like that I put a slow song on the radio? I know there are some that aren't into that."

"They will. They have no sense of music taste if they don't."

"It's not all about the high tempo."

"Agreed."

He heads back to his place and puts his headphones back on.

That song has left him more to think about.

~:~

 _ **Back in London. Can we meet up?**_

It's happening. The text has confirmed the worries she tried for weeks to nurse Dan through. Phil is coming back. Judging from the few words in Phil's text, Dan probably has no idea that Phil is back in the area.

Eight weeks. That is how long this has gone on. Eight weeks of when's and what-if's. Weeks of avoiding fans' inquiry of why Phil hasn't posted a new video on AmazingPhil for a while. Dan got around to posting the Sims video, but other than that, nothing new was posted on their separate channels. Dan put off on doing YouTube collaborations and focused on his radio show.

With nervous thumbs, she texts a reply. _**Usual Starbucks? When?**_

His response is quick. _**ASAP. I'm there now**_

Now. She didn't anticipate facing Phil to come this instantaneous.

 _ **Coming. Be there soon**_

She is at her university campus. Classes are done for the day and she was on her way to Dan's flat to find some funny internet news to share for next week's radio show. Her plans will be sidetracked.

On the way to Starbucks, she sends a text to Dan. _**Gonna go library first. Be there at your place a little later.**_

 _ **Take your time a bookworm has gotta read**_

It's half a truth. She is going to the library, but that is saved for tomorrow. It will be a lie that she crosses her fingers won't come back to haunt her later.

Fifteen minutes later, she arrives at the Starbucks. She enters the coffee shop and immediately spots Phil. He waves her over. Nerves intensifying at every minute, she walks over to his table and takes a seat on the empty chair across from him.

"Hey," she murmurs.

"Hey."

She gulps. There is so much she wants to tell and ask him. Where will she start?

"How's Dan?"

She lets out a shaky breath. "Okay. Sort of. He's still breathing."

"And you?"

"Fine. No terminal illness or anything." She does this when she is nervous. She cracks unnecessary jokes to rid herself of the nerves.

"That's good." There is a white cup with the green Starbucks logo in front of him. He lifts the cup up to his lips and takes a sip.

"Good, if you mean surprise existential crisis's, nightmares, and barely visiting Tumblr."

He bites his lip. "So it's not good. How is he really holding up?"

"Honestly? If it wasn't for BBC Radio, he probably would have literally crawled under a rock and make a home there." She scoots her chair further forward. "Sometimes I come to the flat and see him in the hallway having an existential crisis. It's happening much more since you left. When I sleep over at his flat or mine, in the middle of the I hear him screaming. His nightmares are always about you. He dreams you won't come back or you die before you return." She fiddles with her fingers. "Don't get me started on Tumblr. When he's online, any phan art he finds freaks him out."

 _ **"Dan! Wake up!"**_

 _ **"Wh… huh?"**_

 _ **"You had another nightmare again, didn't you?"**_

 _ **"I saw Phil. He was across the street and he was running to me. A car was coming and it… it…"**_

 _ **"It's okay. It wasn't real. It was all in your head. Phil is alive. Phil isn't dead."**_

Blue irises gaze at her sadly. "Has he… you know…"

"He kisses me. On the cheek. Or forehead. Or nose. Never on the lips. Not since the night before you left."

"Ah." He sips on his drink again.

"Phil, are you really coming back? Dan misses you like crazy. I miss you too. My pancakes don't do justice compared to yours."

"My pancakes are the best. And yes. I thought you knew that."

"I did. Dan, not so much."

"Now you know. But there's one more thing I want you to do first. Then I'll move back."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely."

She nods. "Tell me."

"There's a song I want you to play on Radio 1…"

~:~

 _ **"There's a song from Five Seconds of Summer I want Radio 1 to play."**_

 _ **"Since when did you listen to 5SOS?"**_

 _ **"Since 5SOS helped me survive those weeks away from you two."**_

Back at her apartment, she looks down at the current list of songs on next week's playlist. Once again, Dan has given her complete control. She had three-fourths of the list done before Phil sent her that text.

She writes down Beside You on the next line. She hasn't listened to all the songs from 5SOS, and this is one she hasn't heard yet. She boots up her laptop and goes onto YouTube. She types down 5SOS Beside You in the search box. She clicks on a lyric video and starts to listen to the song.

A few lines into the song, she understands why Phil chose it.

 _The silent words are hard to speak_

 _When she talks all I see_

 _"Don't ever leave," she said to me._

Dan did not want Phil to leave. At all.

 _When we both fall asleep underneath the same sky_

 _To the beats of our hearts at the same time_

 _So close but so far away_

She could see this song as fanfic material.

 _She sleeps alone_

 _My heart wants to go home_

 _I wish I was, I wish I was, beside you_

 _She lies awake, trying to find the words to say_

 _I wish I was, I wish I was, beside you_

She could feel Phil's yearning as she listens to the rest of the song. The "she" in the song could easily be replaced with "he" to represent Dan. This must be how Phil felt while he was away. This must be how painful it felt for him to stay away when all he wanted to do was come back.

 _Another day and I'm somewhere new_

 _I made a promise that I'll come home soon_

 _Bring me back, bring me back to you_

So that could explain why she and Dan haven't found any signs of where Phil is.

When the song finishes, she knows what she must do. It was what she tried to do all those weeks ago. Now she can go through with it. She can finish what she started.

 _They were always meant to be._

She witnessed it during those past several weeks. How Dan struggled to live through the first few days after Phil left. How his nightmares kept coming back even when she soothed him through them. How he immediately switched songs playing on his phone if it started playing a Muse song. How he makes every attempt to make as much physical contact with her, because he lacked the ones he wants from Phil.

Her heart felt as if it was stabbed with a million knives that night when she tried to say goodbye. Tonight, although her heart aches at the thought of doing it again, the hurt has dulled. Phil was right about her and Dan not being ready to let go of each other that night. It was too soon. She tried to say goodbye to him on a night right after he had a fight with Phil. Dan was too fragile that time that her farewell words broke him even more.

A couple of months later, she knows that Dan is in the right place. Dan is at a point where letting go of his feelings for her will hurt less than letting go of Phil. She saw that as soon as she read Phil's letter. His desperation was proof that a day without Phil would kill him more than a day without her.

"The sun and the moon rely on each other," she says to herself. "The earth can't exist without day and night." When Phil left, the earth was in perpetual darkness. As the star, her presence made the darkness stay. She couldn't bring the light the earth truly needed.

Only Phil can do that. Only Phil can provide the sun the earth is dependent on.

She grabs her mechanical pencil and writes down one more song on the list. It's a song her best friend recommended her to listen to when she first got into the artist. She loved the song so much that she turned it into a phanfic (she posted it before she met Phil). As she plays the song through YouTube on her laptop, she basks in every lyric.

Little Do You Know is her (and Dan's) song. Beside You is Phil's song to Dan. The current song playing in her room is Dan's song to Phil. With the third song included, all three songs fully represents what their situation is all about: a love triangle that, on the next radio show, will finally be resolved.

~:~

Nine weeks. It's the ninth week without Phil.

Dan doesn't know how many more weeks he can endure. The nightmares aren't going away. He doesn't have a clue where Phil is. If he did, he would have boarded the tube or survive a bus/taxi ride just to get to where Phil is. He would even book a plane and travel to another continent if Phil left England.

He didn't get to sample all the songs she added to the radio's playlist this week, so the next song he plays on air doesn't grab his attention until it reaches the chorus. Five Seconds of Summer's Beside You causes him to dart his eyes to her and mouth "what the hell?"

The song makes him think of Phil.

Would it be crazy to think it's not a coincidence that she put that song in the list? He shakes his head. He'll ask her about it after the show.

When he plays the last song in the show's list, the title piques his curiosity.

Falling Up by The Cab. Shouldn't it be Falling Down?

 _In the darkest, you were the only light I remember_

 _Tried your hardest, made me feel alive_

 _Now I can't forget you_

It's Little Do You Know all over again. She is trying to tell him something.

 _What you found was a lost, lonely heart torn into pieces_

 _With you I feel like myself_

Is the "I" him? The lyrics do sound so much like him. But who is the "you?" Her?

 _Nothing but gold when we're together_

 _You were my one forever_

 _Feels like I'm falling, but I never touch the ground_

 _Feeling so right when I'm around you_

 _How could I live without you?_

 _It's like I'm falling, but I'm not falling, I'm not falling down_

No. Not her. Phil. The "you" is more like Phil.

 _Without trying, you knew the words to say_

 _To save me from myself_

 _I can't deny it, never felt this way_

 _Not from no one else_

Definitely Phil. Phil is the one that saved Dan when Phil gave him a best friend. Phil is the man of chances, the one that he saw a forever with. He still does. Phil never escaped his mind.

What does this mean? Phil is only ever on his mind. Why would she drive the message further into his skull? Unless…

His eyes widen.

Could Phil be back?

~:~

Phil paces back and forth in the lounge. It feels great to be back in the flat. London is his heart's home. The flat is his sanctuary when the real world stresses him out.

The show is finished and he anticipates Dan's arrival. She did what she asked him. She played Beside You on the radio, as well as a song called Falling Up that Phil is pretty sure is meant to be a hint that he came back. If there is one thing he likes the most about her, it's her ability to use songs to convey secret messages to people.

What will happen? Has Dan made his choice? What will happen to her? What will happen to him? Will he be the third wheel now?

The sound of a doorknob opening stops his pacing. His back turned toward the door, he takes a deep breath.

 _You're ready. You came back because enough time passed. You're ready to see what Dan decided._

Phil turns around. His eyes meet Dan. Brown to blue. Blue to brown.

"Hi Dan," Phil whispers.

The next few seconds happens as if in slow motion.

Dan bursts into tears. He stumbles across the room, and the younger man tackles Phil. Luckily, Phil prevents them from falling to the floor. He hugs Dan close to him.

"PHIL!" he sobs. "Phil… you're back."

"I am."

"You were gone for over a month."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be that long."

"Don't do that again! I was worried sick!"

"I won't." It's the truth. Nine weeks away from Dan is the longest Phil has ever been away from him since they first met.

Dan's mouth attaches to his neck, peppering light kisses until his soft lips attach to Phil's. The kiss is weeks worth of distance and built-up emotions. They can't pull away. They treat the kiss as if it's their last one.

Dan's mouth inches back. "Please don't leave. I'm sorry I made you leave. You're right. We needed the break. I'm such a fucking idiot for letting you slip away like that."

"Shhh… it's okay, bear. I'm here now."

He hears a sigh. "I guess I've done my job."

He looks over Dan's shoulder. She is watching them with a small smile on her face.

"Thank you," Phil tells her.

She nods. "Can I say something now, if you don't mind?"

Phil nudges on Dan's chest. Dan pulls away from Phil to look at her.

She begins. "In 2009, Dan and Phil met. Years later, the duo left their mark on YouTube and captured the hearts of millions of people with their witty, awkward humor. One of those people was an odd girl with a passion for writing. She watched the videos of two British men that makes her embrace her difference. She became a fangirl for two best friends that gradually fell in love and made Phan a reality.

"In her first year of college, one-half of Phan saw that odd girl in a London Starbucks and chose to sit with her. Out of all the other empty seats available, he chose to sit with the girl that always felt she was invisible. Her wildest dreams come true when she sees that it's danisnotonfire, her number one YouTube idol.

The two talk for the next couple hours and find they have many things in common. They bond beyond the first encounter and become close friends in the span of a few weeks. Who would have known that in a country she dreamed of someday traveling to, she'd be making a friend out of someone that would become more to her than just a friend? Who would've known that her friend's boyfriend would also become a friend to her?

But then the fights between her idols start. She becomes someone Phil is wary of. So when they fight, Dan runs to her, and she, the one that is the source for many of their arguments, becomes his shoulder to lean on. Against her will, the man that she sees herself in is someone she starts falling for. Her innocent crush turns to love. Unbeknownst to her, that man falls in love too. Their feelings grow and grow until he can't hold back and they share their first kiss, a kiss that should have never happened. They're in love each other.

They keep the kiss a secret from Phil. But the kiss puts tension between them. She wants so badly to tell Phil the truth so they can figure out what to do. She isn't the one to tell Phil. It's Dan, who is overwhelmed with the guilt that he blurts it out. Phil doesn't take it well. She goes back to her apartment so she didn't have to witness their fight. At home, she realizes the only way to fix the situation is to let go of her feelings for Dan. So she goes back to their place. When she tries to tell Dan that 'they' could never happen, Phil steps in and cuts it off. She leaves their place with the uncertainty of what will happen to herself. As a porcelain figure, Dan could either fix her or break her.

She avoids him. For two weeks, she cut off communication with Dan. Then a photo surfaces on Twitter that pushes her to break the silence. She plans to do it the next day, but Dan comes over and things change between them. They spend a night like they were true lovers. When morning comes, their worlds are at a loss when they find that Phil left. Phil has given them a chance to be closer, but all it does is make her see that the possibility of her and Dan can never happen. She alone can't give Dan the happiness he deserves."

She steps closer to them. She grabs Dan's hand with one hand, then Phil's with the other. "You two are unbreakable. A woman like me can't change that. For over two years, being your friend made me see that fate wants Dan and Phil together, not Dan and I. I came into your lives not to ruin Phan, but to strengthen it. Though I've caused a lot of heartache, I've also been an antidote. Love may be a curse for me, but falling in love with Dan is the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me learn that there are men in this world that won't intentionally break my heart. There are men that see me for me and love me for who I am."

She lets go of their hands, then move them so the men are holding each other's hands.

"The sun and the moon co-exist so the earth is a sustainable planet. Without light, the earth will be always be cold. Without dark, the earth will always be hot. There must be a balance of day and night. The sun and moon's relationship will always surpass the relationship the moon has with the star. But the star doesn't lose its shine. When the day takes over, the star is still there. It just can't be seen because the sun is brighter."

She takes a deep breath. All the talking has made her breathless.

 _She's doing it. She's making the choice for Dan._

Her gaze locks on Dan. "I choose for Phan to stay alive. I choose for us to stay as friends."

~:~

 _ **"Will you be okay?"**_

 _ **"Eventually, but it's for the best."**_

 _ **"I'm so sorry, love."**_

 _ **"Don't be. We can't fight love. We fought it, and look what happened."**_

 _ **"I'm just like those other guys that broke your heart."**_

 _ **"Dan, you are far from being like those douchebags. At least the one you're with is the one I want you to be with."**_

Months have passed since that day.

 _ **"Are you sure you don't want to stay? We could let you move in with us. You and Dan could talk to yourselves together."**_

 _ **"Thanks, but no thanks. It wouldn't be fair to my family and my best friend."**_

 _ **"We're gonna miss you."**_

 _ **"We've always got VidCon."**_

"So it's time," Phil says. "Still can't bribe you with a crumpet so you won't leave?"

She laughs. "Nope. Not even for a million dollars."

"Don't worry, I'd go to America too if I could," Dan tells her.

She rolls her eyes. "If you did, you gotta bring Phil too."

Phil shrugs. "I wouldn't mind. Although I don't wanna pay the price for all the things we broke in here."

"Right, because two famous internet stars don't have the money to fix a couple walls and a few floor tiles." She checks her phone. She has to go soon.

"We can always kidnap you," Dan jokes. "Hold you hostage and keep you in our interdimensional vortex."

"Hah! I'd like to see you try."

"We got some rope."

"Why do you…? Never mind. Don't wanna know where that rope has been." She read enough BDSM phan fics to know the kinky things rope can be used for.

She graduated from college with a BA in English Literature. She is working on her first novel, which she hopes can get published someday. Her dreams of being an author is this close to being achieved.

Her friendship with the boys was a bit rocky after Phil's return. She and Dan had a difficult time treating each other as friends. Their feelings for each other haven't fully faded away, but they are at a point where they can be around each other and not be impulsive to kiss each other. They know that their love can't surpass the love Dan has for Phil. Their love is the kind meant to teach her what she wants in a man. The kind of man she wants is someone with a kind heart, someone who would do anything for her and love her unconditionally. Whoever that man will be, she'll just have to wait a little longer to meet him.

With a sigh, she steps forward and gives them a hug. With the love triangle gone, the friendship between the three is stronger than it was before. The two helped her grow out of her shell and start her own YouTube channel as a vlogger. She only had the channel for three months and It has almost 100,000 subscribers. People are fans for her natural geeky charm.

When she pulls back, she reaches into her jacket pocket and gives them a folded piece of white paper.

"A little gift for you two."

Dan unfolds the paper. The two grin when they see the drawing that her roommate did (her friend does the fanart; she does the fanfiction). It's the three of them in a circle, a red line connecting the three of them in the shape of a heart. A star is above her head, a crescent moon above Dan's, and a sun above Phil's.

"Wow," Phil says. "Wait, why is that line attached to our fingers?"

"It represent the red string of fate. According to Chinese mythology, the red string of fate is an invisible thread connected between people destined to meet. Whether they'll become friends or lovers, think of it like soulmates. In other words, no matter how far away I'll be from you two, we'll always be connected."

"Awww…" Dan grins at her. "That's deep."

"Turn the paper around."

Dan flips the paper. "It's a poem."

"I wrote it."

Phil recites the poem out loud. "The sun, the moon, the star. Infinite galaxy, expanse of space. Chances, flaws, and porcelain. Forever and beyond."

"It's cheesy. Poetry isn't my strong suit."

"Cheesy! This is great!" Dan praises.

She flushes. "I tried my best."

"This is a great gift."

"Thanks." She takes a step back. "I really have to go now or else I'll miss my flight."

"No… already?" Phil pulls her in for another hug. "We'll visit you as soon as we can."

"VidCon is a couple weeks," Dan says, encircling his arms around the both of them. "We won't have to wait long."

"Yup."

A couple of minutes later, Phil is opening the front door of their flat. This is it. She is leaving England. She made so many memories here for the last four years. Dan and Phil influenced her life for the better, despite the millions of tears shed along the way.

When she waves at them from the window of a taxi, she watches their figures turn smaller and smaller. The men's linked hands gives her hope that their love will last.

It's the end of her chapter in England.

The woman of porcelain.

The biggest star in Dan and Phil's world, a world with a moon and sun that will no longer fade away.

* * *

 **The end. The tale of Dan, Phil, and the OC is over. What a ride. I apologize if this was too long for a second half.**

 **I chose to do alternating POV's for the third part because I wanted you guys to see how the events unfolding is perceived through the three main characters. I wanted you guys to see through eyes other than Dan's. Phil choosing to leave, the OC choosing to let go of Dan… those were things that couldn't be given justice merely through Dan's POV. It had to be done through their words, through their thoughts themselves.**

 **The way CAP went, it had to end like this. While I worked on chapter 2, I realized Phan was endgame. They always were. Just like the OC said in the first part, Fate brought Dan and Phil together. But to bring their happy ending, Phan had to experience distance. Dan needed to know what it's like to miss Phil. He needed to be with the OC in some way and eventually come to terms with the fact that no matter how much he loves the OC, he'll always love Phil more.**

 **I wrote this story as a way to bring a twist to love triangles. We're used to seeing love triangles with the girl as the central character being the object of affection of two boys, or the boy as the central character being chased after two girls. But what if the rules are twisted? What if it's still two boys and a girl, but one of the boys is the central character instead of the girl? What if the two shippings were able to happen, but yet the central character was able to end up with the one the majority wants him to be with? That's what CAP is about. It's about breaking the love triangle norm. It's about showing what it would be like if Phan was real, but then a girl came into their lives and tested their relationship.**

 **I was mostly inspired by an anime called Vampire Knight and a Filipino teleseries called On the Wings of Love (go Jadine!). Both of those stories dealt with a love triangle in some way. The central character had moments with her love interests. In VK, Yuki was able to be with Kaname and Zero. In OTWOL, Leah and Clark ended up together, yet Leah didn't disregard Simon's feelings and told him it would always be Clark. The element of love triangles from both those stories gave birth to CAP. To me, the makings of a love triangle is for the central character to address both of his/her love interests. Don't overpower one over the other too much. And give the protagonist character for goodness sake. A Jane Doe irritates me.**

 **Thanks so much for reading! Sorry for this long ass author's note, but I needed to get this off my chest. I hope my take on a Phan love triangle has inspired you to change perspectives on love triangles. In my case, I wanted the central character to be bi and one of his love interests to be bi. And, well, Dan and Phil have loads of character, so characterization wasn't too difficult.**

 **Until next time.**

 **~ AA**


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